This was a post on www.liquiddietdiscussion.com :
I read something interesting the other day in one of the several Fitness magazines I've buried myself in since starting this "lifestyle." It said to think of food as fuel. I've heard this many times before but never with the analogy that followed. It said when you put gas in your vehicle you stop when the tank is full. You don't keep pumping gas because more gas is available so why would you contunue eating because more food was available?
Man, this makes so much sense! Why keep stuffing your "tank" when you are on FULL?
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Some benchmarks......
Today's weight: 311.5
I've been thinking about some of the benchmarks I will cross on this weight loss journey. I'll list them here:
Starting weight (my highest back in 2003): 340
25 lb mark: 315 (achieved!)
50 lb mark: 290
75 lb mark: 265
100lb mark: 240
125lb mark: 215
150lb mark: 190
160lb mark: 180
25% to goal: 300
50% to goal: 260
75% to goal: 220
GOAL: 180
I'm thinking I should maybe set a reward for each of these benchmarks (a non-food reward, obviously!) Would love some suggestions from my loyal readers! (If anyone is still reading this, that is! LOL)
I've been thinking about some of the benchmarks I will cross on this weight loss journey. I'll list them here:
Starting weight (my highest back in 2003): 340
25 lb mark: 315 (achieved!)
50 lb mark: 290
75 lb mark: 265
100lb mark: 240
125lb mark: 215
150lb mark: 190
160lb mark: 180
25% to goal: 300
50% to goal: 260
75% to goal: 220
GOAL: 180
I'm thinking I should maybe set a reward for each of these benchmarks (a non-food reward, obviously!) Would love some suggestions from my loyal readers! (If anyone is still reading this, that is! LOL)
Monday, March 27, 2006
Good Words
Today's weight: 310.5
My dear friend Ken sent this to me today. Some I had heard before--some were new--all were relevant and timely. Thanks Ken....
GOOD WORDS
Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.
-- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.
-- Gandhi
Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love.
-- Lao Tzu
Instruction does much, but encouragement does everything.
-- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
The result of prayer is life. Prayer irrigates the earth and heart.
-- Saint Francis of Assisi
Prayer is constructive because it enables us to establish closer contact with the Fountain of Wisdom, and we are less likely to be influenced by the appearances around us.
-- Ernest Holmes
Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust and hostility to evaporate.
-- Albert Schweitzer
For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The door of the soul opens inward...turn the handle, walk out and be free.
-- Emmet Fox
If you love, you can never be a failure.
-- Bernie Siegel, M.D.
The beauty of being an adult is that you can actually move in the direction your imagination takes you. You are not limited to 'only make believe'. You can harness your creative power and make it work for you.
-- Jane Claypool
Appreciation, gratitude and thanksgiving -- the motive power which attracts and magnifies the hidden potentialities of life.
-- Ernest Holmes
When we walk to the end of all the light we have, and take a step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe one of two things will happen: that we will land on something solid, or we will learn to fly.
-- Author Unknown
But the person who goes deeply into his or her own nature will find that God speaks in a universal language of emotion, sense, feeling, intuition and instinct.
-- Ernest Holmes
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing -- that's why we recommend it daily.
-- Zig Ziglar
Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
-- Mark Twain
Have you had a kindness shown? Pass it on! 'Twas not given for thee alone, Pass it on! Let it travel down the years, Let it wipe another's tears, Till in Heaven the deed appears, Pass it on!
-- Henry Burton
I expect to pass through the world but once. Any good therefore that I can do, or any kindness I can show to any creature, let me do it now. Let me not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again.
-- Stephen Grellet
Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for truth.
-- Benjamin Disraeli
I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well.
-- Diane Ackerman
You cannot afford to be planting bad seeds -- thoughts of negation, worries, fears, angers, hates, resentments. Such seeds will grow just as rapidly as the good seeds and will bring forth a crop as sure and abundant.
-- Ernest Holmes
Living by inspiration does not mean living chaotically. Our whole purpose is to make the intellect an instrument for he Spirit. This is exactly what an artist does. We must all become artists in living.
-- Ernest Holmes
Born into time but drawn from timeless space, Thou hast on earth a moments dwelling place, Entombed in matter; yet now aware of soul, Thou shalt take wing, let heaven be thy goal.
-- Ernest Holmes
The essence of love, while elusive, pervades everything, fires the heart, stimulates the emotions, renews the soul, and proclaims the Spirit.
-- Ernest Holmes
Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest sense, something helpless that wants our love.
-- Rainer Maria Rilke
There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.
-- Edith Wharton
Destiny in not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.
-- William Jennings Bryan
Appreciation, gratitude, and thanksgiving -- the motive power [that] attracts and magnifies the hidden potentialities of life.
-- Ernest Holmes
If it is God's good pleasure to give us the kingdom then it needs to be our pleasure to accept it.
-- Ernest Holmes
May it be a year of greatest communion with Thee, the Giver of all gifts.
-- Yogananda
We are all born for love. It is the principle of existence, and it's only end.
-- Benjamin Desraeli
We are each of us angels with only one wing. And we can only fly embracing each other.
-- Luciano De Crescenzo
Sometimes our only available transportation is a leap of faith.
-- Rev. Margaret Shepherd
Some day we shall learn to lay our burdens on the altar of Love, that they may be consumed by the fire of faith in the Living Spirit.
-- Ernest Holmes
If one wishes to be a lover he must start by saying YES to love.
-- Leo Buscaglia
Love alone overcomes all and justifies the eternity of her dominion.
-- Ernest Holmes
Nothing real can be threatened, nothing unreal exists. Therein lies the peace of God.
-- A Course in Miracles
You find peace not by rearranging the circumstances of your life, but by realizing who you are the deepest level.
-- Eckhart Tolle
True prayer is just a continued recognition and thanksgiving that all is good.
-- H. Emilie Cady
There is that within us which longs to know how we "fit" in the scheme of things. It is through true prayer and openness that we find what we seek.
-- Margaret Stortz
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
-- Marianne Williamson
My power is from On High, it cannot be taken from me: It will not leave me desolate.
-- Ernest Holmes
It is your mind. It is the gift of God in you. It contains the potentials of a full life and an expanding experience. Herein is your uniqueness, your individuality, your ability to be you-the you that you can be.
-- Raymond Charles Barker
Spiritual identity is here, in the way we walk on earth, the way we see our life, the way we care for ourselves and for others.
-- Wayne Muller
Prayer is the contemplation of the facts from the highest point of view.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
As we seek to express God's highest vision for us, we must bring the best of ourselves to the alter of life.
-- Cynthia Cavalcanti
You can never solve a problem at the level of consciousness which created it.
-- Albert Einstein
...Be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind.
-- Romans 12:2
Loving oneself is no easy matter just because it means loving all of oneself, including the shadow where one is inferior and socially so unacceptable. The care one gives this humiliating part is also the cure.
-- James Hilman
Self-awareness -- ongoing attention to one's internal states.
-- Daniel Goleman
Abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we turn into.
-- Wayne Dyer
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
-- Stanislaw J. Lec
You have your paint brush and colors. Paint paradise, and in you go.
-- Nikos Kazantzakis
We are not creatures of circumstance; we are creators of circumstance.
-- Benjamin Disraeli
My dear friend Ken sent this to me today. Some I had heard before--some were new--all were relevant and timely. Thanks Ken....
GOOD WORDS
Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.
-- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.
-- Gandhi
Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love.
-- Lao Tzu
Instruction does much, but encouragement does everything.
-- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
The result of prayer is life. Prayer irrigates the earth and heart.
-- Saint Francis of Assisi
Prayer is constructive because it enables us to establish closer contact with the Fountain of Wisdom, and we are less likely to be influenced by the appearances around us.
-- Ernest Holmes
Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust and hostility to evaporate.
-- Albert Schweitzer
For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The door of the soul opens inward...turn the handle, walk out and be free.
-- Emmet Fox
If you love, you can never be a failure.
-- Bernie Siegel, M.D.
The beauty of being an adult is that you can actually move in the direction your imagination takes you. You are not limited to 'only make believe'. You can harness your creative power and make it work for you.
-- Jane Claypool
Appreciation, gratitude and thanksgiving -- the motive power which attracts and magnifies the hidden potentialities of life.
-- Ernest Holmes
When we walk to the end of all the light we have, and take a step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe one of two things will happen: that we will land on something solid, or we will learn to fly.
-- Author Unknown
But the person who goes deeply into his or her own nature will find that God speaks in a universal language of emotion, sense, feeling, intuition and instinct.
-- Ernest Holmes
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing -- that's why we recommend it daily.
-- Zig Ziglar
Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
-- Mark Twain
Have you had a kindness shown? Pass it on! 'Twas not given for thee alone, Pass it on! Let it travel down the years, Let it wipe another's tears, Till in Heaven the deed appears, Pass it on!
-- Henry Burton
I expect to pass through the world but once. Any good therefore that I can do, or any kindness I can show to any creature, let me do it now. Let me not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again.
-- Stephen Grellet
Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for truth.
-- Benjamin Disraeli
I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well.
-- Diane Ackerman
You cannot afford to be planting bad seeds -- thoughts of negation, worries, fears, angers, hates, resentments. Such seeds will grow just as rapidly as the good seeds and will bring forth a crop as sure and abundant.
-- Ernest Holmes
Living by inspiration does not mean living chaotically. Our whole purpose is to make the intellect an instrument for he Spirit. This is exactly what an artist does. We must all become artists in living.
-- Ernest Holmes
Born into time but drawn from timeless space, Thou hast on earth a moments dwelling place, Entombed in matter; yet now aware of soul, Thou shalt take wing, let heaven be thy goal.
-- Ernest Holmes
The essence of love, while elusive, pervades everything, fires the heart, stimulates the emotions, renews the soul, and proclaims the Spirit.
-- Ernest Holmes
Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest sense, something helpless that wants our love.
-- Rainer Maria Rilke
There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.
-- Edith Wharton
Destiny in not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.
-- William Jennings Bryan
Appreciation, gratitude, and thanksgiving -- the motive power [that] attracts and magnifies the hidden potentialities of life.
-- Ernest Holmes
If it is God's good pleasure to give us the kingdom then it needs to be our pleasure to accept it.
-- Ernest Holmes
May it be a year of greatest communion with Thee, the Giver of all gifts.
-- Yogananda
We are all born for love. It is the principle of existence, and it's only end.
-- Benjamin Desraeli
We are each of us angels with only one wing. And we can only fly embracing each other.
-- Luciano De Crescenzo
Sometimes our only available transportation is a leap of faith.
-- Rev. Margaret Shepherd
Some day we shall learn to lay our burdens on the altar of Love, that they may be consumed by the fire of faith in the Living Spirit.
-- Ernest Holmes
If one wishes to be a lover he must start by saying YES to love.
-- Leo Buscaglia
Love alone overcomes all and justifies the eternity of her dominion.
-- Ernest Holmes
Nothing real can be threatened, nothing unreal exists. Therein lies the peace of God.
-- A Course in Miracles
You find peace not by rearranging the circumstances of your life, but by realizing who you are the deepest level.
-- Eckhart Tolle
True prayer is just a continued recognition and thanksgiving that all is good.
-- H. Emilie Cady
There is that within us which longs to know how we "fit" in the scheme of things. It is through true prayer and openness that we find what we seek.
-- Margaret Stortz
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
-- Marianne Williamson
My power is from On High, it cannot be taken from me: It will not leave me desolate.
-- Ernest Holmes
It is your mind. It is the gift of God in you. It contains the potentials of a full life and an expanding experience. Herein is your uniqueness, your individuality, your ability to be you-the you that you can be.
-- Raymond Charles Barker
Spiritual identity is here, in the way we walk on earth, the way we see our life, the way we care for ourselves and for others.
-- Wayne Muller
Prayer is the contemplation of the facts from the highest point of view.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
As we seek to express God's highest vision for us, we must bring the best of ourselves to the alter of life.
-- Cynthia Cavalcanti
You can never solve a problem at the level of consciousness which created it.
-- Albert Einstein
...Be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind.
-- Romans 12:2
Loving oneself is no easy matter just because it means loving all of oneself, including the shadow where one is inferior and socially so unacceptable. The care one gives this humiliating part is also the cure.
-- James Hilman
Self-awareness -- ongoing attention to one's internal states.
-- Daniel Goleman
Abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we turn into.
-- Wayne Dyer
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
-- Stanislaw J. Lec
You have your paint brush and colors. Paint paradise, and in you go.
-- Nikos Kazantzakis
We are not creatures of circumstance; we are creators of circumstance.
-- Benjamin Disraeli
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Day 14
Today's weight: 310
Got this quiz from another blog--The results didn't surprise me at all!
Got this quiz from another blog--The results didn't surprise me at all!
You scored as Theater. You should be a Theater major! Like a bohemian actress, you are seasoned and confident and not afraid to express yourself!
What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3) created with QuizFarm.com |
Friday, March 24, 2006
Day 12
Weight: 314
So the TOM weight is coming off, now that I have upped my water to what it should be. I am hoping to be down to 312 by Monday's weigh in.
I'm already noticing some differences: the jeans I'm wearing today are a bit looser, as is my watch. I can actually FEEL my knees and elbows--they're not cushioned by as much fat.
It's 22 days til my birthday. I'm hoping to get 15 lbs off by then so I can be in the 200's again. And I promise--this time I am NOT ever going to have a 3 in front of my weight again.
So the TOM weight is coming off, now that I have upped my water to what it should be. I am hoping to be down to 312 by Monday's weigh in.
I'm already noticing some differences: the jeans I'm wearing today are a bit looser, as is my watch. I can actually FEEL my knees and elbows--they're not cushioned by as much fat.
It's 22 days til my birthday. I'm hoping to get 15 lbs off by then so I can be in the 200's again. And I promise--this time I am NOT ever going to have a 3 in front of my weight again.
Monday, March 20, 2006
Day 8
It's Day 8 of the diet, but day 3 of TOM! I had gotten down to 312 on Friday, then I gained 4 lbs in water in 2 days! :( My weight today is 316.5, so it's a net loss of 5.5 lbs for the first week. NOT what I was hoping for...but...I know the number will be big next week.
I'm going to try my best to not weigh myself every day--maybe 3 times a week or something like that. I am getting too obsessed with the numbers already.
Oh, and a shout-out to 'Tater! Thanks for the support!
I'm going to try my best to not weigh myself every day--maybe 3 times a week or something like that. I am getting too obsessed with the numbers already.
Oh, and a shout-out to 'Tater! Thanks for the support!
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Day 3--315.5 lbs
The hardest days on a liquid diet are Days 2, 3 and 4. You feel a little light headed and headachy from carb withdrawl. Full-sodium boullion is recommended to help with that. I sip a cup of boullion once a day, and it seems to help.
My calories were a little low yesterday--about 700. I need to be sure I get at least 900-1000.
After my body adjusts to the lower calories for the first couple of weeks, I'll start walking 30 minutes a day for a few weeks, then slowly add in some strength training. But for now...easy does it!
Alan weighed in at 227.5 today! He was so happy to FINALLY be below 230! He kept getting stuck at that number for the longest time.
The hardest days on a liquid diet are Days 2, 3 and 4. You feel a little light headed and headachy from carb withdrawl. Full-sodium boullion is recommended to help with that. I sip a cup of boullion once a day, and it seems to help.
My calories were a little low yesterday--about 700. I need to be sure I get at least 900-1000.
After my body adjusts to the lower calories for the first couple of weeks, I'll start walking 30 minutes a day for a few weeks, then slowly add in some strength training. But for now...easy does it!
Alan weighed in at 227.5 today! He was so happy to FINALLY be below 230! He kept getting stuck at that number for the longest time.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Judgement
Day Two
Weight: 319
I decided to order some product from newlifestylediet.com to help me along with this weight loss effort. I bought the two week rapid start kit to see if I like the product.
It's amazing how judgemental people can be about folks on a drastic weight loss program like weight loss surgery or liquid diet. No wonder I don't want to tell anyone in RL about it! It is one of those things that no one really needs to know, IMO.
Weight: 319
I decided to order some product from newlifestylediet.com to help me along with this weight loss effort. I bought the two week rapid start kit to see if I like the product.
It's amazing how judgemental people can be about folks on a drastic weight loss program like weight loss surgery or liquid diet. No wonder I don't want to tell anyone in RL about it! It is one of those things that no one really needs to know, IMO.
Monday, March 13, 2006
Day One--Starting weight 322
I decided to do the liquid diet. Here's what my day looks like so far:
7:30 am: Shake--100 cals
10:30 am: Bar--170 cals
12:30 pm: Chicken flavored boullion--0 cals
1:30 pm: Shake--100 cals
SF pudding--60 cals
4:30 pm: Shake--100 cals
6ish: 8 oz chicken and 2 cups salad with 2T Walden Farms dressing (sugar free and calorie free)--250 cals
8ish: Shake--100 cals
SF pudding--60 cals
TOTAL CALORIES: 940
Water: 64+ oz
I'm hoping to lose 10 lbs the first week. Last time I did it I lost 12 lbs the first week. But if I lose 5, that will make me happy. I'd like to have steady losses of at least 2 lbs a week or more. My dream goal is to be in the 2's by my birthday on April 15th.
Right now I am using EAS AdvantEdge for shakes and Pria complete nutrition for my meal bar. I'm giving serious consideration to ordering some of the New Lifestyle products, maybe the two week rapid start package. I'm weighing the cost options.
7:30 am: Shake--100 cals
10:30 am: Bar--170 cals
12:30 pm: Chicken flavored boullion--0 cals
1:30 pm: Shake--100 cals
SF pudding--60 cals
4:30 pm: Shake--100 cals
6ish: 8 oz chicken and 2 cups salad with 2T Walden Farms dressing (sugar free and calorie free)--250 cals
8ish: Shake--100 cals
SF pudding--60 cals
TOTAL CALORIES: 940
Water: 64+ oz
I'm hoping to lose 10 lbs the first week. Last time I did it I lost 12 lbs the first week. But if I lose 5, that will make me happy. I'd like to have steady losses of at least 2 lbs a week or more. My dream goal is to be in the 2's by my birthday on April 15th.
Right now I am using EAS AdvantEdge for shakes and Pria complete nutrition for my meal bar. I'm giving serious consideration to ordering some of the New Lifestyle products, maybe the two week rapid start package. I'm weighing the cost options.
Friday, March 10, 2006
Our friends, Ken and Linda, are moving to our town within the next six weeks. They have offered to let us stay with them in their new home for a bit while we get our house building underway. We are thankful to them for opening their home to us.
Now that I have a better idea of when we are leaving our apartment, I can make some other plans. This weekend I plan to do lots of packing of non-essential items in plastic tubs to be stored in the barn at his parent’s home. I’ll also be doing some sorting and pitching of things that I don’t need or don’t want and giving them to Goodwill. It’s amazing the stuff you can accumulate in a tiny one bedroom apartment over the course of 18 months.
Also during the course of the weekend, I’ll be doing lots of laundry and catching up on the shows I’ve been recording for the last few weeks. There hasn’t been much time to watch recorded stuff, especially with American Idol on three times a week! Next week it will start only being twice—songs on Tuesday, results on Wednesday.
Diet wise, I have totally gone off the deep end! I’ve stopped by Burger King almost every morning this week for a chicken biscuit, hash rounds and an order of cini-minis with extra icing. That’s about 1200 calories right there! Lunches haven't been much better. Not to mention the great dinners Linda has been cooking at our apartment while she stays with us. Plus I’ve been drinking full sugar pop instead of water.
I’ve been thinking about what has worked for me the most in recent years. I lost 70 lbs between November 2003 and May 2004 using Medifast and going to Curves three times a week. I really don’t want to go back on Medifast (it costs too much!), but I did like fact that the plan was easy—using shakes and meal bars. I’m thinking of adapting a plan like that using stuff you can find over the counter. I’m going to do some research online of the protein shakes that are out there and see which one is the best.
Medifast has a modified plan for people that don’t want to be on the full fast plan. They call it the 5 and 1 plan, where it’s 5 shakes/meal bars a day plus one “lean and green meal” consisting of green veggies (like a salad) and 4 ounces of lean meat. They also use things that are very low calorie to help keep full, like SF Jello and broth. I did very well on the plan. It wasn’t until I started having personal problems that I fell off the plan.
I dunno why I want to go back to this type of plan…maybe because it was easy to follow, maybe because of the results I got. I just know that I NEED to start getting this weight off. Sound desperate? Maybe because I am.
Now that I have a better idea of when we are leaving our apartment, I can make some other plans. This weekend I plan to do lots of packing of non-essential items in plastic tubs to be stored in the barn at his parent’s home. I’ll also be doing some sorting and pitching of things that I don’t need or don’t want and giving them to Goodwill. It’s amazing the stuff you can accumulate in a tiny one bedroom apartment over the course of 18 months.
Also during the course of the weekend, I’ll be doing lots of laundry and catching up on the shows I’ve been recording for the last few weeks. There hasn’t been much time to watch recorded stuff, especially with American Idol on three times a week! Next week it will start only being twice—songs on Tuesday, results on Wednesday.
Diet wise, I have totally gone off the deep end! I’ve stopped by Burger King almost every morning this week for a chicken biscuit, hash rounds and an order of cini-minis with extra icing. That’s about 1200 calories right there! Lunches haven't been much better. Not to mention the great dinners Linda has been cooking at our apartment while she stays with us. Plus I’ve been drinking full sugar pop instead of water.
I’ve been thinking about what has worked for me the most in recent years. I lost 70 lbs between November 2003 and May 2004 using Medifast and going to Curves three times a week. I really don’t want to go back on Medifast (it costs too much!), but I did like fact that the plan was easy—using shakes and meal bars. I’m thinking of adapting a plan like that using stuff you can find over the counter. I’m going to do some research online of the protein shakes that are out there and see which one is the best.
Medifast has a modified plan for people that don’t want to be on the full fast plan. They call it the 5 and 1 plan, where it’s 5 shakes/meal bars a day plus one “lean and green meal” consisting of green veggies (like a salad) and 4 ounces of lean meat. They also use things that are very low calorie to help keep full, like SF Jello and broth. I did very well on the plan. It wasn’t until I started having personal problems that I fell off the plan.
I dunno why I want to go back to this type of plan…maybe because it was easy to follow, maybe because of the results I got. I just know that I NEED to start getting this weight off. Sound desperate? Maybe because I am.
Monday, March 06, 2006
Erections....
Thought that would get your attention!
Yesterday I lent a hand to Alan and his dad as they are (erecting) building a new steel building on his dad's site. I was up and down the ladder quite a bit, moving steel around, handing out tools and nuts and bolts. Most of the framework is up. Both of us are pretty sunburnt!
Here are a few pics:
We came home pretty tired. I was taking a shower when I was just overwhelmed with emotion. I know my anxiety is magnified when I am tired, but I just wasn't expecting that. I guess I should though...driving to the apartment after work or after being gone all day starts the anxiety kicking in to high gear. I know I won't feel 100% safe and relaxed until I am out of that apartment.
I am beginnig to think I may have to seek medical help for this anxiety. I know we have to stay here for at least 6 - 8 weeks, and I am trying to find the best way I can to cope. I don't want to take drugs, but it may come to that.
Yesterday I lent a hand to Alan and his dad as they are (erecting) building a new steel building on his dad's site. I was up and down the ladder quite a bit, moving steel around, handing out tools and nuts and bolts. Most of the framework is up. Both of us are pretty sunburnt!
Here are a few pics:
We came home pretty tired. I was taking a shower when I was just overwhelmed with emotion. I know my anxiety is magnified when I am tired, but I just wasn't expecting that. I guess I should though...driving to the apartment after work or after being gone all day starts the anxiety kicking in to high gear. I know I won't feel 100% safe and relaxed until I am out of that apartment.
I am beginnig to think I may have to seek medical help for this anxiety. I know we have to stay here for at least 6 - 8 weeks, and I am trying to find the best way I can to cope. I don't want to take drugs, but it may come to that.
Friday, March 03, 2006
Improving...
Last night I was able to sleep from 10:30 pm to 6 am...with the help of some Benadryl. If I can get my mind occupied enough, falling asleep is easier.
It's really strange--I still don't have much of an appetite, especially when I go home at night. I've dropped about 5 lbs since Tuesday, which isnt bad...not the best way to lose, though. When I DO eat, it hasn't been good things--regular Coke, a whopper jr and onion rings. Not great choices...
I was able to see my neighbor yesterday. She had been able to get into her apartment and retrieve some of the things that didn't get damaged in the fire. (It's AMAZING that anything survived it!!) She's temporarily staying close by. Her fiance is still in the hospital, in a drug-induced coma. The part that really sucks: his family hates her, and since they are not married, she has no legal right to get to see him, and his family is forbidding her to even come to the hospital at all. So any of her information regarding him she's received from a friend of theirs. It would be horrible to be in that situation. In spite of all that, she was very upbeat and smiling. She gave me a great big hug and thanked me for sticking by her while she was being interrogated by numerous agencies. I thanked HER for letting me help her. It gave me someone else to focus on besides myself.
This weekend will be spent doing lots of laundry and packing things up for the move. If I can do things that will move me FORWARD, I think I can get this whole ordeal behind me. I need to establish a new "normal", if that makes any sense.
It's really strange--I still don't have much of an appetite, especially when I go home at night. I've dropped about 5 lbs since Tuesday, which isnt bad...not the best way to lose, though. When I DO eat, it hasn't been good things--regular Coke, a whopper jr and onion rings. Not great choices...
I was able to see my neighbor yesterday. She had been able to get into her apartment and retrieve some of the things that didn't get damaged in the fire. (It's AMAZING that anything survived it!!) She's temporarily staying close by. Her fiance is still in the hospital, in a drug-induced coma. The part that really sucks: his family hates her, and since they are not married, she has no legal right to get to see him, and his family is forbidding her to even come to the hospital at all. So any of her information regarding him she's received from a friend of theirs. It would be horrible to be in that situation. In spite of all that, she was very upbeat and smiling. She gave me a great big hug and thanked me for sticking by her while she was being interrogated by numerous agencies. I thanked HER for letting me help her. It gave me someone else to focus on besides myself.
This weekend will be spent doing lots of laundry and packing things up for the move. If I can do things that will move me FORWARD, I think I can get this whole ordeal behind me. I need to establish a new "normal", if that makes any sense.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
I need sleep.
I know it's the first post in over a week. We went to Vegas Friday through Monday, flying back home on a redeye Monday night to Tuesday morning. We had great fun while there...I tripled my money playing the slots and roulette, but then spent about half of it on fun souveniers and stuff.
Then, yesterday morning....reality set in. We walked into our apartment. The burnt smell hit me like a ton of bricks. There was still soot and ashes on countertops and appliances. And to top it off, there is a water leak that I'm not sure where it is coming from. To me it looks like it is coming from UNDER the tiles in the bathroom. The apartment office told me that there is nothing that can be done until the fire investigation is completed. The hold up there is the building inspector won't give the okay for the fire department to go in until the ceiling is more supported.
I am not dealing with this very well. Like the first night after it happened, I had lots of trouble sleeping. All I could smell was smoke. Your brain is trained to wake up and be alert when you smell smoke. I couldn't get my brain to shut off long enough to fall asleep. Plus, with the windows closed and air conditioner off, it was way too quiet. I reacted to every noise I heard. I tried turning on the radio, then the fan, for some background noise. That helped some. Once again, I was clinging to Alan like a frightened child. I have never been this afraid of anything in my life.
We're working on getting out of there as soon as possible. It looks like the soonest may be six weeks, though, unless something else can come through. In the meanwhile, I have to figure out a way to deal with living there. I'm working every night to clean as much as possible and wash the smell out of the clothes still left. I'm also going to start packing things away and storing them in a friend's storage area. Maybe preparing to go will help me deal with staying there for the next six weeks or so. I hope it can be less!
I'm also going to try putting a different scent under my nose, like Vick's Vapor Rub or something. If I can get the smell of burning wood out of my nose, I know I'll be able to sleep better. I might even use an over the counter sleep aid. All I know is....I need sleep.
Then, yesterday morning....reality set in. We walked into our apartment. The burnt smell hit me like a ton of bricks. There was still soot and ashes on countertops and appliances. And to top it off, there is a water leak that I'm not sure where it is coming from. To me it looks like it is coming from UNDER the tiles in the bathroom. The apartment office told me that there is nothing that can be done until the fire investigation is completed. The hold up there is the building inspector won't give the okay for the fire department to go in until the ceiling is more supported.
I am not dealing with this very well. Like the first night after it happened, I had lots of trouble sleeping. All I could smell was smoke. Your brain is trained to wake up and be alert when you smell smoke. I couldn't get my brain to shut off long enough to fall asleep. Plus, with the windows closed and air conditioner off, it was way too quiet. I reacted to every noise I heard. I tried turning on the radio, then the fan, for some background noise. That helped some. Once again, I was clinging to Alan like a frightened child. I have never been this afraid of anything in my life.
We're working on getting out of there as soon as possible. It looks like the soonest may be six weeks, though, unless something else can come through. In the meanwhile, I have to figure out a way to deal with living there. I'm working every night to clean as much as possible and wash the smell out of the clothes still left. I'm also going to start packing things away and storing them in a friend's storage area. Maybe preparing to go will help me deal with staying there for the next six weeks or so. I hope it can be less!
I'm also going to try putting a different scent under my nose, like Vick's Vapor Rub or something. If I can get the smell of burning wood out of my nose, I know I'll be able to sleep better. I might even use an over the counter sleep aid. All I know is....I need sleep.
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