More wisdom from 3FC

Charles78 from Houston, TX posted this on 3FC. Man, it makes so much sense!!


From my group meeting this week we covered what I considered to be a great topic. I thought all of these were great - 3 and 4 really strike me as powerful.

Dr. Matthew Anderson wrote what he calls Six "I don't want to be fat forever" truths:

1. If you stubbornly demand and expect that weight loss and life should be easy, you will consistently fail at weight loss. Why? Life and weight loss are often not easy and there is nothing you can do to change that fact. Long-term weight loss is not for children or sissies. I wish it was but it is not. Get over it and get on with it.

2. If you allow fear to dictate your life choices, you will feel unable to cope with life and will eat to feel better. Then you will get fatter. You must find a way to create courage instead of honoring your fears.

3. If you insist on staying in denial about the real reasons you are overweight, you will stay fat. For example, do you honestly believe you are overweight because you "love food?" If you accept this kind of idea as a legitimate reason, you can expect fat to be your constant companion.

4. If you insist in doing it yourself (weight loss), you can expect failure. We all need support and lots of it. The rule is this: More weight requires more support. Simple and very true.

5. If you think you can be the exception to the rule and lose significant weight without significant inner work and inner healing, you will stay fat. Simple rule: More weight requires more inner work.

6. If you refuse to learn advanced life skills, you will stay fat. We overeat when we feel overwhelmed by life. Increase your life skills and you will eat less. That is the truth. What do I mean by advanced life skills? Here are some examples.


a. Learn to take responsibility for your life situation and problems instead of blaming others.
Become an expert on you and your inner self instead of being an expert on what is wrong with others.

b. Learn to seek and receive appropriate support from others instead of isolating and going it alone.

c. Learn healthy and creative self-expression instead of hiding and suppressing your gifts.

d. Develop effective communication skills for work and relationships.

e. Develop your own personal spiritual values and apply them to all areas of your life.

f. Learn to forgive others and also yourself.

g. Learn to receive at least as well as you give.

Now, I want to respond to (most) of these points:

1. I am guilty of this. I expect this to be so EASY. Most days I think that all I have to do is eat right and that's it. I'm always thinking of exercise as a thing to do "if I have time". I most definitely need to "GET OVER IT!"

2. Fear is a paralyzing feeling. It keeps people from doing things they really want to do. What am I afraid of? What is keeping me from doing this? How can I "create" courage??

3. I think I know why I am fat. I was hurt SO MUCH as a child that I thought I could protect myself with layers of fat--as if it could somehow keep out the pain, when in fact, it was a CAUSE of my pain! Funny thing, the only thing I wasn't afraid of was being on stage performing. Whenever I was up there, I gave it everything I had, whether it was acting, singing or (believe it or not) dancing! (In 2003, I was in a community theatre production of NUNSENSE, and yes, at 340 pounds, I did indeed TAP DANCE!) For some reason, being someone else is very easy.

4. I know for a FACT I can't do this alone! If it weren't for my sweet Alan and my friends at 3FC, I would be having a VERY hard time! Knowing I have people to be accountable to makes a huge difference.

5. This is the one that scares me. I am afraid of the inner work. I do not want to unearth anything that will really hurt me. Sounds wimpy, but it is true. I must hurt REALLY REALLY BADLY to be this fat.

6. After reading this, I can see how much I lack in life skills!!! I'm getting better with A, already do okay with B-E, but F and G need SIGNIFICANT work.

This post is such an eye opener! It has definitely given me lots to think about....